It Is What It Is

I am just gonna have to put it out there, Korea was a dream time for me. I had a really good job and all my earnings were mine to do with what I wanted.  Husband dear paid all of the bills (of which there weren’t many), and I played.  An ideal situation if you ask me. I bought what I wanted and did what I wanted.  We ate out a lot at wonderful restaurants, and frequented really cool clubs.  There was always a banquet, ball, party or dinner event to go to and we were on the A list in our circle.  It was a grand time and I felt the most diva-like while I was there.  It was like another world.  During this time, we paid for everything with cash, and aside from some really old bills from years and years before, we had no credit type bills, and a pretty decent credit report.  For two years, it was primarily a cash only existence and since I thought we would be there forever, aside from our retirement, I didn’t really save a whole lot.  

And then, we get orders to move back to the states. Six weeks notice. What!!! And boy was that a wake up call that hit me in the head like a flying brick during an earthquake.  Our two year cash existence meant no established credit when we got back which equals, “crappy credit score!”  It was like we never ever established credit in our entire lives. So no new car (at least not the one I wanted), and no new credit cards which could have helped during the transition because they screwed up our pay like they do every time the military has ever moved us. In fact there was a whole slew of no’s.  NO available quarters, NO real COLA (cost of living allowance), NO job that I could just walk right into.  I saw all of the wonderful shopping trips that I had planned disappear before my eyes and it took everything in me to not get on the first thing smoking back to Korea and take one of those hazardous duty jobs that pay six figures for a year. I could just see me now in one of those Hazmat suits (trust me, not a good look)  At least I could buy some of those BARPs (see previous post) I was seeing everywhere. But at this rate, I was going to have to limit my Frappucinno intake to only 3 times a week. Blasphemy!!!

Although it is not as dramatic as it sounds, and I take full responsibility for being irresponsible and not saving more, it still sucks.  I know that others are going through far worse, and they are in my prayers.

Still, we have literally had to start all over.  No shopping, no A list, and definitely no just eating out because we don’t feel like cooking. Basically now, I have to be bootylicious on a budget…a really, really, REALLY tight budget.  And you know what? It’s all gonna be just fine because if I have not learned anything in my life, I have learned that you can’t truly appreciate the sunshine until you’ve gone through the rain.  I didn’t make it up, but I know it is the truth. And so for now, it is what it is.

Who I Really Am

Sometimes I think that this blog will truly reflect my life. Scattered but filled with possibility. Other than what my profile says about me being an artist, my age and other superficial information, I am also an Army wife of 18 years ( which I could fill this whole blog telling you about), I have two teenagers, a son 17 and a daughter who is 14. I have lived all over the United States and in Korea. Korea was my favorite tour because it was so different from anything that I had ever known. I recently returned back to the states 9 months ago.

I grew up in Los Angeles with my parents, my daddy was a minister and my mother who was kind of like a missionary. I also have several brothers and sisters but I am the only product of my mother and father’s marriage. By the time I was born, all of my brothers and sisters were pretty much grown so I was born into a world of adults. Until I started kindergarten at 5 years old, I was surrounded by adults. The few kids that I did spend time with were mainly at church, but I really didn’t have many people my age in my life when I was very young. So I have never really felt much like I fit in anywhere.

The whole time growing up, I thought I would be a famous actress, so did everybody in my family especially my daddy who I think is still rather disappointed that I’m not. Although I’m not a drama queen, my life has been pretty dramatic, so it is not farfetched that a life in front of an audience would be my greatest aspiration. But over the years, and not without trying,  it just didn’t work out that way 

Instead,  I am an Artist. I paint, and take pictures and I participate in creative endeavors where I can observe people and document what I see. Where I can express myself and show the world who I am without revealing too much of what is on the inside.

I have also had a very colorful life.  I have endured a lot of ugliness, and I have seen a lot of beauty. I’ve been the good little wife and mother at times, and at other times, not so much. All of these experiences good and bad, have made me who I am today.

I don’t know where this is going, or how it is going to turn out.  I don’t even know if I am going to like writing about my life and my journey for people to read and comment on, but I do know that it is time for me to stop hiding and project my identity to a waiting world.  So sit back and enjoy the ride and hopefully I will inspire you and, in turn, you will inspire me too.