Real Sexiness

There is a wide misconception that being sexy means being naked. That wearing a low cut blouse or having half your butt hanging out is a sign of true sexiness. This can’t be more wrong. But unfortunately many people have bought into this, which is why we see more and more women and especially teen girls being willing to take it off or show a little bit more to get noticed.

Sexiness has nothing to do with clothing or nudity, sexiness is a way of being, a state of mind. I wish I could yell it from the tallest building or make billboards for all to see and understand. Sexiness is most often not about sex and it is really is in the mind of the beholder.

As with everything though, there are some general things that go along with being sexy. So let’s talk about it. The first thing that comes to mind when thinking or describing what’s sexy or for our purposes, what is a sexy woman, I have often heard that it is in the way that she carries herself.

A sexy woman, no matter what size or shape feels very comfortable in her skin. It shows in the way she walks, sits, stands, and even her facial expressions. A sexy woman has a certain fluidity to her movements, she is usually very graceful and deliberate. Of course this isn’t always the case, there are exceptions. Some women are very sexy in their clumsiness. Not the kind of clumsiness where she walks like a linebacker, but clumsy like when she walks on her tippy toes in heels because she thinks that she is probably going to fall.

I have also heard it said that women who are smart are very sexy. Something about bookworms that seems to drive men crazy. So ladies, it is okay to read, or speak on an intellectual level, or to know stuff. Chances are, this is going to make you more desirable than if you stand there twirling your hair and playing helpless and dumb. Although, I am sure that these things have their place too.

One of the qualities that is sexy in both men and women is confidence. There is just something so appealing about a confident person. Someone who knows what they want, and how to get it. Someone who walks with their head held high, and who has a certain swagger. To me, this is the sexiest quality of all.

So when it boils right down to it, it doesn’t really matter if we are showing just enough skin to avoid jail time, or if our cleavage is up to our eyeballs, or even if we know the latest pole dancing tricks. What matters is how we feel about ourselves, how bootylicious we think we are even when no none else does and how we project our own personal brand of real sexiness to the world around us.

Bootylicious Rule #13 Stay In Your Lane

When I was a kid I always heard the term, “Kids need to stay out of grown folks business.” It was a valuable lesson because I learned early on that if I was quiet and seemingly minding my own business, adults would speak freely around me and they wouldn’t send me away.

It is amazing the things people will say when they think no one is listening. And they say even more when they believe they can trust you.

My childhood experience led me to carry two very important lessons with me into adulthood. The first, to be careful of what I say in front of children. And the other, to stay in my lane.

There is nothing more annoying than a woman who has her nose in everyone’s business. Being overly concerned with things that affect you is one thing. But if you are a main player in other people’s problems, relationship issues, or overly concerned with things above your pay grade, you need to stop it now. Get some business of your own and stop dabbling in things that have nothing whatsoever to do with you.

It’s one thing to be nosey, we all have a little voyeur lurking beneath the surface. It is kind of like being a fly on a wall, subtle and almost invisible. But it is an entirely different thing to be the center of everyone else’s issues, like a gnat at a barbecue, annoying and in danger of being squashed because of it.

So how do you know if you are not staying in your lane? If your name comes up whenever something goes down, you spend way too much time in the wrong lanes. If people start whispering whenever you walk into a room, yeah, you have been hanging out in the wrong lane. If doors close when you enter the building, or you find yourself being left out of the loop, it is probably because you have been vocal one too many times when your opinions, ideas, or point of view are, more than likely unsolicited.

If any of these things apply to you, it probably means that you are involved way too much in other people’s business, and you may need to find some of your own.

It is very hard to accomplish anything in life when we focus on what is on the outside; on things that have nothing to do with us. How are you able to drive in your lane and someone else’s lane too without causing all kinds of crazy accidents?

Real divas are able to get where we are going in life because our focus is on the inside, on what we can do, and what we can be, and how we can contribute when appropriate. And our lives are much richer because we don’t have time to be worried about what we can’t control in other peoples lives. Instead, we save our energy for the things that we can control in our own.

What is a Bootylicious Diva?

I know the word bootylicious may seem like a strange word to positively describe a woman. Many of you may be saying, “What is this bootylicious thing you speak of?” But when I see a woman with voluptuous curves, who embraces her body, or women who may not be very voluptuous at all but still feel comfortable in their own skin, or the woman who feels and thinks that she is beautiful and sexy no matter what anyone else thinks, I think, now that’s a bootylicious diva. It is a fun, juicy word that says a mouthful and means even more.

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

I can’t help but be reminded of when I first saw Destiny’s Child perform the song about their bodies being too bootylicious. They were celebrating curves, celebrating beauty, celebrating the way as women we are all different but still desirable. That song reminded us that there is not just one standard of beauty that we should all aspire to. It also showed us that we as women should use our God given gifts, mental, physical, and emotional to achieve whatever it is that we strive for.

I believe that every woman is powerful and that we are all beautiful in our own way. Some of us realize it and we take every step necessary to make sure that the world sees us for who we are and some of us are still trying to achieve it, but we are very much on the right path. But one thing is for sure, we all have great potential, and we should all have the hope and courage to live the best life we want to live, to be the best women we can be, and to show the world every aspect of our glorious bootyliciousness.

Now I want to hear from you.  Do you appreciate your body, your talents, your gifts ? Are you a bootylicious diva?  If you don’t think you are, how do you think you could start living the life that you want?

Whore to Housewife Part 1

In one of my online groups, the topic came up, Can you turn a whore into a housewife? I have to say right off the bat that I believe the title itself is an unfortunate one. But what bothered me even more is how the overwhelming majority of the people who responded to the question, responded with an emphatic, “no!” Come again? I am truly disturbed on so many levels by this whole topic.

First of all the question itself needs to be clarified. Basically, the idea of the whore was not meant in the traditional sense of the prostitute who receives money for sex. But rather the “Ho” version of whore, a female who sleeps with a lot of different men or who has an overly active sexual appetite. The prevailing idea was basically that once a ho, always a ho. She can’t be reformed from her whorish ways so no one should wife her.

So if we are to believe this line of thinking, then that means that a person who participates in this behavior is incapable of change. I am sorry but I have a hard time believing that. We are all capable of change and growth. Whether it is someone who sleeps around, or who has issues with drugs and alcohol, or someone who has a criminal past, people are not held hostage to their mistakes unless they allow themselves to be. By nature, as human beings, we will change whether we want to or not. Change is inevitable, either for better or worse. And we hope that most people opt to change for the better. But believing that people are incapable of change, cuts them off at the knees before they have had a chance to even get in the race

Another thing that bothers me about this whole whore idea is that women are really quick to call other women whores. We seem equally or even more willing than men to point the fingers at other women when it comes to this topic. This has always baffled me because it would seem that as women, we would recognize the emotions and feelings behind giving oneself in a sexual way to a man and how that is never really an easy thing to do without allowing some level of vulnerability to creep into our mindset.

We should understand better than men that this level of intimacy is usually far more valuable to us than it is to males. Many women equate the giving of their bodies with the giving of their hearts. And yet, when we encounter a woman who gives of herself very freely, it is almost as if we have some sort of resentment toward her as if she is somehow taking something away from us.

Typically women who have allowed themselves to be with many men or who are more sexually open have had some occurrence or issues in their past that is the catalyst for such behavior. But really, who among us is perfect? We all have some mistake or behavior that we participate or have participated in that others would frown on. Is that all we are? Are we beyond redemption? Will we only ever be the sum of all of our mistakes? I just can’t imagine that this is the case.

Every diva, every person has a dark side. For some that may be just a shadow and for others, it might be a black hole, but just as bad comes our way, good can come our way too. We don’t have to live in darkness forever, just like any seed, we have to break through the darkness below to rise up flourishing and flowering in the light. Emerging more beautiful, new, and and completely changed.

Fashion and Sex

I was visiting the Marmalade Skies, a very interesting blog by Ms Penny Lane, a 20 year old college student in the UK. She asked the question in a very insightful post, is fashion just sex? And of course she went into far more detail than I will here, but I thought this was a topic worth exploring a little bit, so here are my two cents.

I do believe that a lot of fashion revolves around being sexy, but I have also found in my life that most women actually dress up for other women. And we tend to grow our hair long, make up our faces, and wear more revealing clothes for men. Most men don’t really care what you have on as long as they can catch a glimpse of skin or a curve here and there. But women can be catty, so you want to look your best in order to avoid criticism.

Think about it, we carry designer purses, and shoes, we take extra care to coordinate all of these things. But we don’t carry that purse for the men to notice. If a man did notice, we would assume that this wasn’t the kind of man that is interested in us for sexual reasons, if you know what I mean.

I do believe that the sexuality plays a role when you look at the competition between women. The woman who can show more skin, or fit into the smallest size somehow wins. The natural thought process behind this, is she who is skinniest is sexiest and therefore is the most desireable. Of course we know this is not the truth because after all, I am no where near skinny and I think I am just as sexy as they come. Just kidding… okay not really. = )

The bottom line, clothes are becoming more revealing, that is a fact. But there are men out there who think a woman in sweats can be sexy, or they may even find a woman dressed up in boy clothes to be a sexy departure from the norm. In my experience, if a man finds a woman to be sexy, it is usually not about the clothes, it is actually more about the woman.

If you are interested in reading more on this topic, please give Ms. Penny Lane a holla at Marmalade Skies, I am sure she will be glad to see you. Oh and to answer your question Ms. Penny Lane, you are not a pawn in the selling of sexiness. You simply want to look good as we all do. And not just for men, but for everyone. ( ;

Another Naked Thought

Okay, so this is the third post about some form of nudity in as many days. But I have to honestly say, given the choice between clothes and no clothes, I would choose to just put perfume on and go any day.

When you think about it, clothes are such a hassle. Nothing ever fits like it’s supposed to. If you have a little extra, you have to adjust it so it fits. Or add the dreaded foundation garments. Then there are all the bumps and bulges and ridges that you have to deal with if you weigh more than 100 pounds. A size 8 fits like a 10 or a 2 depending on the designer. And now, what is this skinny jean madness? I hated them the first time around in the 80’s and now they are back. I’m sorry, but boot cut and low rise will always be my friend, of course that is when the designer has half a brain to make the waist in the low rise pants wide enough to accommodate those of us who actually have hips and butts.

It is a never ending struggle to find the right outfit for the right occasion. Formal, semi-formal, casual. I could spend a lifetime picking out, coordinating, and accessorizing every outfit for every event. Or I could just go nude and add jewelry and cute shoes.

Think about it. Formal= A sparkly slip on shoe, diamond earrings and necklace to match and a cute little clutch for lipstick. Business Attire= Too easy, my birthday suit, pearls and black or navy pumps depending on the statement I want to make. Casual= Hello! Flip flops!!

Can you imagine how much time we would save in the morning? And if we get cold, Pashminas in every color or even a sleek poncho should do the trick. Just think of how much money we could save too.

I guess the only real problem with the whole idea though, is that if I am naked, everyone else would be naked too. And frankly, not everyone looks so good naked.

On second thought, maybe skinny jeans aren’t so bad after all.

Bootylicious Rule #11 – The Naked Rule

I have a bedtime rule in my house. When it is time to go to bed at night, the bed is a clothes free zone. If you are in violation, you must pay the other party a penalty of their choosing.

I absolutely love this rule. One, because it is extremely sexy. My man never has to worry about me going to sleep with flannel pajamas, socks or any other unsexy outfit. And two, I never have to buy pajamas.

I have actually been sleeping in the nude on and off since I was in the 8th grade. I remember spending the night at a friend’s house, and when we went to sleep, she took off all of her clothes and got in her bed. There was nothing sexual about it, she slept in the bed, I slept in a pull out on the other side of the room. She said that she has always slept under down comforters, and it was really cool at night and she liked the way that the soft comforter felt against her skin.

When I got back home, I decided to try sleeping without any clothes on. I didn’t have anything nearly as nice as her down comforter but I did appreciate the feel of the cool sheets against my skin, and I decided then that it was absolutely the best way to sleep. And now that I do have down comforters and amazing sheets with 600+ thread counts, I believe that I am achieving the optimal sleep experience.

Times when I do wear clothing in bed? When I am visiting someone else. You never know what could happen at someone else’s house, the sheets are not always as soft, and they my not appreciate you putting your naked behind directly on their bed.

And the other time, when I have visitors in my house. I know that my kids will not enter my room without knocking, but in case of an emergency, you never know what another person will do. For some reason, even though I keep a wrap by my bed, I feel better wearing something, even if it is shorts and a t shirt while I have more than the usual suspects in my home.

I am sure that a lot of people out there sleep in the nude, and I am probably just preaching to the choir. But if you are one of those who has only slept in a full length nightgown, bra, panties, chastity belt, and what ever else, maybe you should give it a try. Take it from someone who (when the kids are not home), cleans, paints, and cooks au natural, it makes for interesting fireworks later in the bedroom. Make it a sexy game for you and your partner, or if you don’t have a partner, just do it because it feels good, or simply because you can.

Who knows, you may like it so much, you may just stay home from work one day and spend the whole day like that. Trust me, it can be very liberating and besides who needs clothes when your own natural, beautiful nakedness can be so bootylicious?

Bootylicious Rule #10 – A Full Length Mirror Is Your Friend

Have you ever been out and about during the course of your daily life and happen to run across someone who clearly got dressed without realizing what they looked like from behind? I am not talking about someone who threw on a pair of sweats or shorts to run out of the house on a quick errand. I am talking about people who clearly are heading out somewhere, took the time to get dressed, may have even coordinated the outfit over some time, but obviously didn’t take the time to check out everything from all angles. Especially the angle that shows that side of you that you normally don’t see but everybody else can.

I have seen individuals with fluorescent underwear not peeking out, but hanging out of the top of their pants, skirts and shorts that are clearly too high in the back, but look just fine from the front, and panty lines so deep that they made the person look like they had four cheeks instead of two.

I have to believe that there is just no way that people would walk out of the house like that if they actually knew what was going on literally behind their backs. And how do you tell some complete stranger that their panties are making their butt look like the four square game that we used to play in elementary school, or that you can actually see their cheeks peeking out and waving at you from across the room and they are not even bending down?

It just breaks my heart to see otherwise attractive women who take time to painstakingly apply their makeup, ensure that their hair is perfectly coifed, and even shave or wax all of the hair from their bodies, and pay obscene amounts of money for an outfit and forget to look at how their backside may or may not look in that brand new pair of pants.

Before you leave the house next time, take the time to look in the mirror, turn around, bend over and squat, really see how the outfit looks from every angle including how that dress looks when the light hits it. Because seriously, if I have given up bras, do you think I am going to wear a slip? Nah, I don’t think so. But I am not gonna let anyone see the goodies through my skirt either.

And if you don’t have a full length mirror, ask someone in your house to check you out before you step out into the world. If there is no one in your house, go to a neighbor’s house. No it is not the end of the world, and you may be just fine with the attitude that ignorance is bliss, but try to do whatever you have to do to ensure that you put your best face and your best bootylicious assets forward. Because really, do you want to think that someone is writing blogs like this about you?
Exactly, I didn’t think so.

Braless Wonder

I have to make it known that I am so anti bra, it is not even funny. They itch, they tug, they pull, and they make your chi chi’s look like bullets.

The under wire always comes out just enough to poke you right in the most sensitive spot at the most inopportune times. Like when you’re giving a presentation or talking to someone really important. You can’t just say excuse me while I adjust my boob because the stinkin piece of metal is boring a hole through one of my mammary glands… Read More

Remarkable

Remarkable is her name
A black urban beauty
walking down the street

Remarkable is her game
an enigma to every man
she meets

Remarkable is her smile
most intriguing there ever was

Remarkable is a wild child
because Remarkable is
as Remarkable does

Remarkable is her walk
stirring the males
whenever she passed

Remarkable is her style
a woman of insurmountable class

Remarkable is the lady
every girl wants to be

Remarkable so remarkable
never met another as remarkable
as she