Don’t Be This Woman: Top 10 Real Mistakes Women Make in Relationships

1. Getting pregnant thinking it will make things better.

2. Thinking, “if he loved her he wouldn’t have done that.”

3. Crying, thinking that he will feel sorry for her and do what she wants.

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Ask The Diva Muse

Dear Diva,
I forgot to mention that when we started, we were both seeing other people. He told me that he had broken off with his girlfriend early this year. I, however, am still with the same person that I was seeing when the two of us started our affair. I am not sure if I can truly trust this guy. After all, if a guy can cheat with me, what’s to stop him from cheating on me in future right? At this point in time, I truly believe he has not been unfaithful to me…Read More

Savvy Sunday – 5 Ways to Make Anyone Fall In Love With You

We can talk about money, we can talk about fame, but when you get right down to the basics, all anyone really wants is love. We want someone in our life to feel that special something in their heart when it comes to us and to express that feeling to us so we in turn feel good about ourselves.
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Top 10 Reasons Guys End Up In the Friend Zone

I hear guys say all of the time that every time they find a girl that they are interested in, they always end up in the friend zone. A lot of guys feel that women are more interested in bad boy and abusive types and that nice guys really can’t get a break.

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Bootylicious Rule #20 Love Yourself, For Real!

Do you love yourself? I mean truly love yourself? Do you give yourself the time, the care, the nurturing that you need? Or are you waiting, looking, hoping for someone else to do it for you?

Love yourself! I know this is a simplistic statement that we hear over and over again and at times it comes across as trite, and even condescending. But when we look deeper, we have to admit that when it boils right down to brass tacks, most women are so busy loving everyone else, and nurturing everyone else, and looking to be completed by others that they don’t even know who they are, less than that, do they know how to love themselves.

Here are a few signs that you may not love yourself:
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Life Moments

Sometimes my thoughts attack me while I am supposed to be sleeping.
Earlier my baby girl came into my room and jokingly asked me to rub her back.
And I jokingly told her no.
And she said that I would rub the dog’s back
and I scratched the nape of her neck and stroked her hair and said,
“yes but it would be more like this.”
And we both laughed and then we talked a little bit more and she went into her room

And now I am wide awake and it is after 4 am and I am realizing that I didn’t rub her back and I am thinking how terrible it would be if I never got the opportunity to do it again…

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Five Tips for Dealing With a Player and Surviving

It always amazes me when I see otherwise, strong, beautiful, accomplished, intelligent women lose their minds over a man. I am not talking about a husband that you have been married to or have had children with, who after he lulled you into a false sense of security, decided to go bad. Or a boyfriend who has pledged his undying love to you and has been consistent and honorable for the most part but decides that after a long courtship, he doesn’t want to be with you anymore. Most of us have experienced that kind of heart ache and it is not easy to handle. But at least you had something tangible from the relationship for however long it lasted. At least he was “yours”.

No, I am talking about women who lose their minds over a player. We all know who the players are. I am talking about the man we all know who is not relationship material from day one. The married man who is never going to leave his wife. The booty call guy who rings your phone or pops up drunk after the club. The guy with 3 babies mommas. The guy who’s cell phone is always blowing up and who has five different women on his “top 8” on Myspace claiming that they are in love with him. That guy. We all know him. We all love him, but let’s face it, he is not going to be your husband, he is not your boyfriend, and if your heart is not equipped enough to handle him, then you should probably save yourself while you can and move out quickly.

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Whore to Housewife Part 1

In one of my online groups, the topic came up, Can you turn a whore into a housewife? I have to say right off the bat that I believe the title itself is an unfortunate one. But what bothered me even more is how the overwhelming majority of the people who responded to the question, responded with an emphatic, “no!” Come again? I am truly disturbed on so many levels by this whole topic.

First of all the question itself needs to be clarified. Basically, the idea of the whore was not meant in the traditional sense of the prostitute who receives money for sex. But rather the “Ho” version of whore, a female who sleeps with a lot of different men or who has an overly active sexual appetite. The prevailing idea was basically that once a ho, always a ho. She can’t be reformed from her whorish ways so no one should wife her.

So if we are to believe this line of thinking, then that means that a person who participates in this behavior is incapable of change. I am sorry but I have a hard time believing that. We are all capable of change and growth. Whether it is someone who sleeps around, or who has issues with drugs and alcohol, or someone who has a criminal past, people are not held hostage to their mistakes unless they allow themselves to be. By nature, as human beings, we will change whether we want to or not. Change is inevitable, either for better or worse. And we hope that most people opt to change for the better. But believing that people are incapable of change, cuts them off at the knees before they have had a chance to even get in the race

Another thing that bothers me about this whole whore idea is that women are really quick to call other women whores. We seem equally or even more willing than men to point the fingers at other women when it comes to this topic. This has always baffled me because it would seem that as women, we would recognize the emotions and feelings behind giving oneself in a sexual way to a man and how that is never really an easy thing to do without allowing some level of vulnerability to creep into our mindset.

We should understand better than men that this level of intimacy is usually far more valuable to us than it is to males. Many women equate the giving of their bodies with the giving of their hearts. And yet, when we encounter a woman who gives of herself very freely, it is almost as if we have some sort of resentment toward her as if she is somehow taking something away from us.

Typically women who have allowed themselves to be with many men or who are more sexually open have had some occurrence or issues in their past that is the catalyst for such behavior. But really, who among us is perfect? We all have some mistake or behavior that we participate or have participated in that others would frown on. Is that all we are? Are we beyond redemption? Will we only ever be the sum of all of our mistakes? I just can’t imagine that this is the case.

Every diva, every person has a dark side. For some that may be just a shadow and for others, it might be a black hole, but just as bad comes our way, good can come our way too. We don’t have to live in darkness forever, just like any seed, we have to break through the darkness below to rise up flourishing and flowering in the light. Emerging more beautiful, new, and and completely changed.

Bootylicious Rule #8

It is just human nature to want to share wonderful things that happen to us, and most of the time, we will find that our friends and loved ones are eager to share in our happiness. We love to run and tell when we’ve closed on the house, or we have gotten a promotion or new job, or we have the new car we have been saving and longing to buy. But one thing that we should never be eager, or willing to share is the intimate details of our lives with our significant other. It is just a bad idea no matter what goodies, tricks, or endowments he may have.

Throughout my life, I have seen otherwise nice, sweet, lovely women turn into vultures when they find that their girlfriends have a good thing going on in the romance department. You could have a boyfriend who is as ugly as all out sin, but you start talking about how many orgasms you’ve had with him, or how he hit that elusive spot, and suddenly your man is Quasimodo turned Sexy Hunk in your girlfriend’s mind. All of a sudden she is having fantasies about kissing your frog and turning him into Prince Charming.

Of course, not all girlfriends are this feeble minded, but you have to be careful because even the oldest, lifelong friend who has been with you through thick and thin, can surprise you. She could act like she hates his guts and everything else about him, and she will probably be the one that you walk in on sucking face or others things with your man. So seriously, not a good look.

And keep in mind, you don’t have to be talking about something sexual to pique the interest of your dear friend. One of the things that the hubby and I used to do on the regular was go on date night. Every Friday night was our designated time no matter what our schedules, to spend time with each other. Most of the time we would go out to dinner or a movie or some other special outing. But even when we didn’t go out, we would do something special at home. It was a wonderful time for us to bond with each other aside from work, and kids, and other responsibilities that pulled us into a bunch of different directions. And because it was scheduled, we were able to ensure that it happened each week because neither of us was allowed to schedule anything in it’s place.

I began to notice that the women around me would make comments, some wistful, some snarky, but nonetheless, the prevailing statements were along the lines of, “Oh you have such a wonderful husband,” or “Ooh girl, your man is so romantic, I wish I had me one like that.” The kicker was, “Girl, you are so lucky, your husband is so handsome, and he loves you so much, you better watch out before someone takes him.” After that, whenever someone would ask about my weekend, I would just say, “Oh, we went out.” I share those special conversations with a very select few, mostly my sister, or friends who are much older and have their own relationships. I am not paranoid, but I do believe that a diva should know who she can trust and who she can’t and she should be really smart about it.

Ultimately, we all should be careful about what we choose to share and who we choose to share it with (see Bootylicious Rule #6) whenever it comes to our personal lives, but intimate details about our romantic relationships should be especially sacred.

Let your intuition be your guide, and remember what goes on in your bedroom, kitchen, car, backyard wherever, should stay in those places, and those memories should stay in your own mind and your own heart. Sexy secrets are some of the best secrets you will ever have.

Bootylicious Rule #9

You

You felt around inside me
until you touched my soul

You loved me silly
and then you let me go

You hit my spot real hard
over and over until you were done

You lusted me, you left me
you did it just for fun

You will never understand
what you have put me through

It hurts so much to know
that the world is filled with you